because donuts make us sad. wow, 1000 members!
Dear Dogs and Cats
Dear Dogs and Cats:
To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door-pet nose height.
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the
middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food
and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me
to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your
comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.
It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.
I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize
space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If by some
miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is NOT
necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under
the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I
entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline
attendance is not required!
The proper order is... kiss me, THEN go smell the other dog or cat's butt.
I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
That's why they call it 'fur'niture.
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like some people.
4. To you, they are an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who
is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college.
AND......
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children!!
Come visit us at. "Keeper of Stories".
http://newkeeperofstories.com/
To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door-pet nose height.
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the
middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food
and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me
to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your
comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.
It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.
I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize
space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If by some
miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is NOT
necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under
the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I
entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline
attendance is not required!
The proper order is... kiss me, THEN go smell the other dog or cat's butt.
I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
That's why they call it 'fur'niture.
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like some people.
4. To you, they are an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who
is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college.
AND......
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children!!
Come visit us at. "Keeper of Stories".
http://newkeeperofstories.com/
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by cowboyangelwife on -
Laughed out loud whilst nodding as I read this. Thanks.
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Permalink Reply by Crow's World Speaks on -
cowboyangelwife, it brings me back memories....LOL
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Permalink Reply by Edward on -
There is no such thing as a "free" puppy.
And, with cats -
Why is it anything, I mean ANYTHING you feed them; comes out smelling like cat doo?
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Permalink Reply by Crow's World Speaks on
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Edward, I wouldn't know it never crossed my mind.
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Permalink Reply by Alicia on -
This is so funny! And boy, can I relate to the bed thing: I upgraded from a queen to a king in an attempt to comfortably accomodate me and my two standard poodles. Didn't really help much, they moved in closer in an attempt to eliminate any possible extra space between them and me. Finally, I got married again and had my new husband kick them out of the bed. Drastic times require drastic measures.
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Permalink Reply by Crow's World Speaks on
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'' Drastic, yes, but you have also an awesome ''new'' husband Alicia ''
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Permalink Reply by cowboyangelwife on
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Have you seen that show, "It's Me Or The Dog"? Not everyone chooses the husband. Countless episodes show (usually a woman, hmmm....) who has a dog who will not let the spouse get on or near the bed. Scenes of dejected/rejected hubby leaving the bedroom and the wife snuggling down with the dogs to sleep. The beautiful shiny boot wearing English dominatrix/dog trainer tries to rebalance this situation but I'm guessing after the show is over, dogs rule the bed again. Because IT"S NOT ABOUT THE DOGS, PEOPLE. So, Alicia, we see that someone who wants a real relationship with her husband doesn't wait for the dominatrix dog trainer. Kicking any dogs out of your bed is a huge show of love for the hubby. But to banish poodles from your bed... no man could ever have a greater demonstation of his woman's true devotion.
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